I always fancied myself as a bit of an Agony Aunt........so....do you have a problem with your plumbing ? Cant decide what to have for your tea? Never kissed a girl....you are not alone, I am here to help. I wont laugh.

Yours

Auntie Nipples.

Dear Auntie:
Why am I more concerned with the opinions of those who loathe and disrespect me than with the opinions of those who love me?
Am I some sort of masochist?
And how many kinds are there?

--Flummoxed near Florida

Dear Auntie,

I have an unremmiting urge to repeat myself and no matter what i do I have an unremmiting urge to repeat myself, no matter what I do.

Help! Help! Help!


Mr Tein

Dear AnotherSatellite, well young man, I dont think you are a masochist but I am sure you dont need me to tell you that it doesnt matter what unimportant people think. You cant control what others think so you have to decide not to care. I dont know how many types of masochisms there are, I didnt cover it in my psychology O level. Your loved ones are more important though, so trust their views, not others.

Auntie Nipples

Dear Mr Tein, have tried asking someone to slap you hard when this happens? That should do the trick.

Auntie Nipples.

Dear Auntie Nipples:

Aren't you really just two "Hershey's Kisses" on top of two "Snowballs"?

Kiss kiss,

- Jeffy

Dear Auntie Nipples

Can you tell me what the german is for zeitgiest?


Yours Mr Tein

Dear Auntie Nipples:
Don't mind them. They don't understand you like I do. They don't take you seriously. They're making fun of you. Ignore those fools and concentrate on me, me, my problems, my world.

I will pour out my heart to you and I will follow your advice to the letter. To the wall. To the death. I put my entire existence in your hands for you to cherish and hold and nurture. I know that with you my secrets will be safe, and you will always listen enraptured to every

Umm...did we get cut off?

That's pretty weird. I didn't know that could happen online.

Anyway, I know that you'll listen enraptured to the dark and convoluted past that has brought me to this present self. The twisted skein of lies, half-truths, and whispered promises knotted in my heart will require the most skillful and patient hands to

Fuck!

I know you aren't doing that on purpose. I know you're not like the others. You're different.

Agony, they say in England. As if there were a goddamned speck of irony in it. I've got agony by the bucketful, roiling, seething self-loathing, recriminations, guilt, doubt, mastubatory fantasies of an unlikely and unwholesome nature, resentments that have turned my life into a blistering, white-hot bar of blazing

Okay, that shit isn't funny anymore. Stop it.

Anyway, I've got some stuff to sort out, as you may have gathered by now, and I'm willing to share with you and only you.

In return, I will offer you my undying loyalty and whole-hearted subscription to any therapeutic modality you choose for me, no matter how gruelling, no matter how painfully self-revelatory or humiliating, no matter how

GODDAMNIT WILL YOU STOP THAT?

Honestly, all I wanted was...

Oh, forget about it.

You're just like the others. If I threaten to slash my wrists again, you'll just say, "Well careful with the razor, and don't get all tangled up in the tendons. Remember dear, the efficient way is 'up the road,' not 'across the street.'"

I suppose there's no hope for it. I didn't even know it was technically possible, but you're doing it. I suppose that if I just get banal and mundane and don't really make any attempt to communicate the waking nightmare that's in my head, you'll

Wow. That's cold.

I guess I'll just ask my questions.

1) Bimble thought I was a woman because I call myself AnotherSatellite. Should I change my name?

2) Do these pants make me look fat?

[quote="AnotherSatellite"]
1) Bimble thought I was a woman because I call myself AnotherSatellite. Should I change my name?

[quote]


You're a man!!!